It seems like as the generations keep growing and growing, the expectations grow along with them. Whatever happened to a summer without homework and packets, or going home and playing baseball out in the yard with the kids on the block instead of sitting around studying? Sunday used to be the day for rest, and now it is just like any other day of work. People are so caught up in a world of being successful and wealthy that they start to forget what really matters to them.
As I scoop up the remaining rice left on my plate into my mouth I see the lights start to dim. It is my last night in St. Thomas with my best friend Melissa, and we are ready to have a very memorable night. I look around the little wooden shack and see people who look like they might be a little too hyper and in beach apparel. To my right is an old bar made out of wood that looks like it is going to fall apart with the next drink that is put onto its surface. The walls made up of what looks to be drift wood look as if they are going to collapse with the next gust of wind that hits them. There are scattered plastic tables and chairs, decorated in graffiti from previous guests. The wood beneath my feet is rough, and has sand filling in between every grove and crevice.
People start to rise from their seats and waiters start to push the plastic tables off to the side, and stack all of the chairs into a little closet that is in the far corner of the room. Red and blue lights start to flash around Melissa and me, and the music’s volume slowly increases. I can feel the base of the music pound my ears, and the vibration against my body. I look down at my watch, all scratched from over the years, and it reads 8:00.
In the matter of seconds people start filling into Duffy's Love Shack. Melissa and I kick off our flip-flops into the sand, and squeeze our way through the crowd into the middle. We are all strangers to each other, but for this moment in time…it doesn’t matter who we are, where we are from, or what our job is. No one is being judged tonight, and the rhythm of the music is taking over our souls and bodies. These are the nights that will never be forgotten.
When I come home everyday he is waiting there for me. When I am down, he is always there wanting to cuddle, or let me hug him. No matter what I say, that smile on his face never fades away. Marley, my teddy bear, is truely amazing. Marley was given to me by my dance team, when they found out I was diagnosed with mono last year. He was there with me throughout my sickness, and ever since then. Marley was named after my favorite artist, Bob Marley.
Marley has a coat of white snow that covers him. His face is plump and has two black beads for eyes. His snout is milky white, and has brown engraving in the place of his nose. Below his snout is an ear-to-ear grin. On top of his headrest two circles cut in half as ears. As you work your way down past his neck and shoulders you will see two arms with paws attached to them, which often come in use for a good hug. Between his arms is his big belly. His legs attach at his lower belly. On his butt is a tag that is red and white with the letters G.U.N.D.
While lying next to him, I smell a sweet scent of my perfumes that have rubbed off onto his fur. Marley’s coat is as fuzzy as a newly installed carpet. Touching his snow-white coat gives you a thrill of comfort. Marley’s snout has a patch of fur that is slightly smoother than the rest of his coat. The material on his snout is also on all four of his paws. Even though Marley probably only cost $20.00 the most, the comfort that he gave me during my sickness makes him worth $120.00.
I value both my last night in St. Thomas with Melissa, and my teddy bear Marley. They both are two totally different things, but the feeling they give me can’t compare with anything else in the world. They both make me feel happy, and put a smile on my face.
As I scoop up the remaining rice left on my plate into my mouth I see the lights start to dim. It is my last night in St. Thomas with my best friend Melissa, and we are ready to have a very memorable night. I look around the little wooden shack and see people who look like they might be a little too hyper and in beach apparel. To my right is an old bar made out of wood that looks like it is going to fall apart with the next drink that is put onto its surface. The walls made up of what looks to be drift wood look as if they are going to collapse with the next gust of wind that hits them. There are scattered plastic tables and chairs, decorated in graffiti from previous guests. The wood beneath my feet is rough, and has sand filling in between every grove and crevice.
People start to rise from their seats and waiters start to push the plastic tables off to the side, and stack all of the chairs into a little closet that is in the far corner of the room. Red and blue lights start to flash around Melissa and me, and the music’s volume slowly increases. I can feel the base of the music pound my ears, and the vibration against my body. I look down at my watch, all scratched from over the years, and it reads 8:00.
In the matter of seconds people start filling into Duffy's Love Shack. Melissa and I kick off our flip-flops into the sand, and squeeze our way through the crowd into the middle. We are all strangers to each other, but for this moment in time…it doesn’t matter who we are, where we are from, or what our job is. No one is being judged tonight, and the rhythm of the music is taking over our souls and bodies. These are the nights that will never be forgotten.
When I come home everyday he is waiting there for me. When I am down, he is always there wanting to cuddle, or let me hug him. No matter what I say, that smile on his face never fades away. Marley, my teddy bear, is truely amazing. Marley was given to me by my dance team, when they found out I was diagnosed with mono last year. He was there with me throughout my sickness, and ever since then. Marley was named after my favorite artist, Bob Marley.
Marley has a coat of white snow that covers him. His face is plump and has two black beads for eyes. His snout is milky white, and has brown engraving in the place of his nose. Below his snout is an ear-to-ear grin. On top of his headrest two circles cut in half as ears. As you work your way down past his neck and shoulders you will see two arms with paws attached to them, which often come in use for a good hug. Between his arms is his big belly. His legs attach at his lower belly. On his butt is a tag that is red and white with the letters G.U.N.D.
While lying next to him, I smell a sweet scent of my perfumes that have rubbed off onto his fur. Marley’s coat is as fuzzy as a newly installed carpet. Touching his snow-white coat gives you a thrill of comfort. Marley’s snout has a patch of fur that is slightly smoother than the rest of his coat. The material on his snout is also on all four of his paws. Even though Marley probably only cost $20.00 the most, the comfort that he gave me during my sickness makes him worth $120.00.
I value both my last night in St. Thomas with Melissa, and my teddy bear Marley. They both are two totally different things, but the feeling they give me can’t compare with anything else in the world. They both make me feel happy, and put a smile on my face.
My teddy bear Marley is one of my prize possessions. I need him to fall asleep at night, (even though I am fourteen) because he gives me a feeling of comfort and safety. He is starting to get pretty haggard, and I do worry about the day that he will rip.
I value my last night in St. Thomas with Melissa so much, because we have both been through so much together, and it was one night were we didn’t have to cheer each other up, or worry about each other... we just got to let go and dance the night away. (Well until our curfew of 9:30) Another thing that made that night so memorable was that everyone was at peace. No one was fighting, there were no death stares, or people glaring at you from head to toe. Everyone was just there to have dinner, and then to dance with each other afterwards.
Even though Marley is here sitting right next to me while I finish typing up this paper, I still have that memory of my last night in St. Thomas in my heart. Both of these things bring me to a special place, where I feel safe, and accepted. Now days there aren’t a lot of things/places that allow you to forget your troubles, and relax. Whenever I see dancing or I wear my old watch I am taken back to that night, and whenever I am lying in bed, I grasp my teddy under my arm and smile knowing that “every little thing is ganna be alright.”
I value my last night in St. Thomas with Melissa so much, because we have both been through so much together, and it was one night were we didn’t have to cheer each other up, or worry about each other... we just got to let go and dance the night away. (Well until our curfew of 9:30) Another thing that made that night so memorable was that everyone was at peace. No one was fighting, there were no death stares, or people glaring at you from head to toe. Everyone was just there to have dinner, and then to dance with each other afterwards.
Even though Marley is here sitting right next to me while I finish typing up this paper, I still have that memory of my last night in St. Thomas in my heart. Both of these things bring me to a special place, where I feel safe, and accepted. Now days there aren’t a lot of things/places that allow you to forget your troubles, and relax. Whenever I see dancing or I wear my old watch I am taken back to that night, and whenever I am lying in bed, I grasp my teddy under my arm and smile knowing that “every little thing is ganna be alright.”
6 comments:
The author most valued item is her teddy bear.Her teedy bear is an old rough bear named marley. The most valued moment is her last night were they dance and have a fun night.
The night at ST.tomas was very clear but she could have discribed mellissa more and the daance place. The bear marley was only partialy discribed. She said he was rough and afraid of him ripping but not much more
The strength of this essay is the word choice and the felling of her about her objects. for examle she says her bodey bounds with the sound of the music. This sentence is very discriptive and i can almost picture it.
One pice of advice to this author is to make the writing flow more and combine or connect one value to another. Like if you said something about marley at st Tomas' dance shack or place.
Sarah the author, i think enjoyed spending times with her teddy bear every day.She also enjoyed and still remembers well in her head that last night in St Thomas with one of her best friends.
I believe she described her teddy bear and what it looked like very well. I could picture it in my head and the smell that she smells on it. One part that did help me see it better was when she said "Marley has a coat of white snow that covers him. His face is plump and has two black beads for eyes. His snout is milky white, and has brown engraving in the place of his nose. Below his snout is an ear-to-ear grin. On top of his headrest two circles cut in half as ears. As you work your way down past his neck and shoulders, are two arms with paws attached to them. Between his arms is his big belly. His legs attach at his lower belly."
The essays overall strength was imagery. I could picture everyone at the shack pushing the tables away to the side so they could dance, and everyone congregating in the center to dance. Also, i could see her laying in bed with the teddy bear.
To help improve and make this essay better i think you should better describe St. Thomas. Maybe add in the name of the restaurant, what you did there, or how long you stayed. Overall i think you did a very good job on this essay!!
SB!
In this essay I could easily tell what you were describing and what you value because of how well you organized your essay. I read that you valued your cute teddy bear maley and dancing with your best friend on your last day in St.Thomas.
I felt like you most vivedly described your teddy bear in this essay because of how well you used the imagery of seeing, smelling, and feeling to describe it. Like when you said he "is as fuzzy as a newly installed carpet," or when you decribed how he smelt and what he looked like.
I think the overall strength was decription of the teddy bear and parts of the St.Thomas night. I like the way you used descriptive adjectives to help the reader really picture what you saw or felt when you are experiencing these things. You had good use of imagery.
One things that I might improve on would be to explain a little more about St.Thomas. I knew where you were and what your experiences were because you had told me before, but other readers might want to know what restaurant it is or what kind of music it was. Overall, the essay was magnificent dawwlinggg and I really liked your opening and closing paragraphs. High five girlfrand! :)
Sarah, I thought your essay was pretty interesting. You clearly stated what you value most being your teddy bear Marley and your memorable night with Melissa in St. Thomas.
I thought that your priceless moment at St. Thomas was described the best because you used a lot of detail from when you explained your dinner to when you went out dancing. The part that stood out to me the most was when you said, “The music’s volume slowly increases. I can feel the base of the music pound my ears, and the vibration against my body.”
I think that the overall strength in this essay is in the introduction because it pulled me in and made me want to read more because I can relate to having a lot of work over vacations and weekends and the way more is expected every generation.
One piece of advice that I would give you is to explain the differences between your values a little bit more. Other than that you did a great job.
1. The author values her teddy bear the most. Her teddy bear is always there for her when she needs someone, when her friends aren't around, or if she's just lonely. She is also saying how people forget what is important in life, and that people should slow down.
2. The object i thought was best described was her teddy bear. The quote i chose is, "When I come home everyday he is waiting there for me. When I am down, he is always there wanting to cuddle, or let me hug him. No matter what I say, that smile on his face never fades away." i chose this because it shows how just a simple object can be there for someone. It shows how she values her teddy bear because it's always there for her, no matter what she does wrong, or says.
3. A strength in this essay is her word choice. She chose her words very well. She used many adjectives and described things very well. I could almost feel the music from the party, and see her teddy bear. She made it so you could understand how important these things were to her through her words.
4. A suggestion i have to make for the author is that she should check for capitilaization errors. There was a lot of miscapitalized words. This made the essay confusing to read, because i couldn't tell if it was a new sentence or not.
Sarah seems to think that what is valuable is time and now-a-days there is not enough. of coarse there is just as much time as always but how we spend that time is what she is talking about. She thinks that people are too caught up in today’s society and need to just stop and take a deep breath sometimes. She most notably values her memorable trip to St. Thomas and a little teddy bear named Marley.
The most vividly described item is Sarah’s memorable trip to St. Thomas. She describes the little hut she eats dinner in amazingly. It is like you can see the bar that will tip over with one more drink or the people who look a little too hyper for their own good. She obviously remembers and cherishes this moment very much.
This essay's overall strength in my opinion is the introduction. She creates a twist to value that I had not thought of before. That the world just needs to slow down so we can experience the sentimental values of life once again. We are truly too busy and she makes you believe it in only a paragraph.
This essay is very good. I can honestly think of only one critique. If I were Sarah I would consider making the explanation of Marley a little more about a special moment with him and less about what he looks like because it gets a little boring and I found myself rereading sentences in it. Otherwise the essay is wonderful.
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